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Showing posts from May, 2011

Thursday 19th May

When life twists and turns the way mine does, I’m never quite sure if this is real life, my drugs, chronic pain or just delusions brought on by the madness! But things seem to be on the up – and I’m still coping with 50mcg of morphine and extra codeine for tougher days, so I think we're doing okay at the moment!
My big news is that I’ve been given my first proper commission in quite a while – I’m working for a documentary film producer (Mike) on a voiceover script for a documentary that Andy is editing, which is fabulous luck – I am so enjoying myself – I can even cope with the disaster that is my life when I’m writing and my man and kids are close by:):)
I’m writing about this couple and the adventure they had travelling from England to Australia then back – then back again! Even more amazing was that this was in the late 1950s – it took 16 weeks and 2 days (or 114 days) and the whole story is so interesting – my geography skills are coming on a treat! The couple have cinefilm foo…

Tuesday 17th May

Missed both Yoga sessions this week as I’m too sore! Monday or Tuesday but could not bring myself to do it - I was so fed up! May also be because I’m trying to cope with only 50mcg of morphine again, so I'm battling with withdrawal ( tiredness and rattycow-i-tis) as there’s a chance of some writing work and I must get the codeine and morphine levels down so I can concentrate. I know it sounds silly but I can’t focus or write particularly well dosed up on all my drugs, as is probably very evident! I’m in danger of becoming a Wright Stuff devotee as all I can manage is that and coffee on a bad day followed by a snooze. NO NO NO!!! I’m starting to be snappy with the kids on just 50mcg and on a very short fuse with Andy which does not help matters. So I do need to see the doc soon and have an overhaul. All systems go methinks.

Wednesday 11th May

Attended a two hour Yoga session yesterday. Such a lovely group of people - mainly women from 25 up to maybe 65 then a couple of guys too who are doing it on the advice of the physio after an op or accident. Very anxious before hand and was expecting a room full of Jane Fonda's but everyone waws quite normal and a good mix of ages and backgrounds so I didn't feel too intimidated!Mum came along too (looking much more at home than me it has to said) and we took things very gently. Lots of stretches and balances so I spent most of the time leaning against a wall - make of that what you will. Really enjoyed it though and felt fabulous afterwards - I'd forgotten what a rush endorphines give you after exercise - a great feeling. Today I'm a bit creaky as I’ve inflamed all the muscles and joints so I’m not doing so well - this is my payback for Yoga. I'm also up to 75 mcg again of morphine which is such a nuisance. It was much better than Pilates though –for me- and I was…

Friday 6th May

I think I’m definitely going back to church – it seems a bit of a miracle Karen( our vicar) visiting at my lowest point yesterday although Andy would disagree! I was so down – Andy was ill with a sickness bug passed on by Max so its been hectic to say the least – I was feeling down in the dumps and then Karen arrived and we just chatted. I was able to map out my plans and offload a bit. Poor Karen – I’m not sure she was expecting me to be quite the mess I was when she popped over. But I was feeling much better when she left! I like to think there is a reason why my life has been turned upside down – but in the words of John Denver there is no rhyme or reason – I do know that, but would like to get some solace and respite from the fun and games we’ve been having these past months. Having said that, Andy is really ill and confined to bed poor thing after Max has had three days of vomiting and is just back to school – poor love. Nasty bugs making the kids sick – Max likes to share everyth…

Tuesday 3rd May

I seem to have lost my April blog somewhere in cyber space. Never mind. Last month I've been having positive little breakthroughs with my health which is having a huge knock on effect with every other aspect of my life. I’ve had a very rough few weeks bringing my morphine levels down from 75mcg to 62mcg – when I had my op back in November 2010 coming off tramadol was terrifying – reading Trainspotting gives occasional insight in to Heroin withdrawal and it’s not far off if I’m honest. Wasps crawling out from within is as close as I can get to the sensation you feel when your body craves tramadol. Last month I’ve been going through something similar coming off that level of morphine. I’ve also lost things, fallen, lost my balance a few times, broken crockery, chipped plates but somehow managed to keep up pretences on the mummy front, although I’ve not been as patient as normal – must try harder!. I’ve had no appetite either which has been a nuisance and have not slept – I will talk …

Friday 25th March

Faith in God, faith in others, faith in myself. All three of which I lost sight of a couple of years ago when my life seemed untenable. Yesterday I was at rock bottom. A mixture of disappointment in my health problems even after an operation I thought would change my life for the better, finality regarding my future job prospects, my need to increase medication, and the groundhog day that is my life at present just were too much. Today has been a strangely calm day, my future plans were sketched out in light of all the answers I received this week. All I can imagine is that by accepting my health limitations and choosing to work with what I’ve got, I can only be successful. I write every day and will continue to do so. I have a children’s novel completed, another in the planning stages, two short stories on the go, a wealth of articles on a few well researched themes and hope to one day write grown-up fiction too. I have plans for a self help book or two but as I know very little about …