Tuesday 3rd May

I seem to have lost my April blog somewhere in cyber space. Never mind.

Last month I've been having positive little breakthroughs with my health which is having a huge knock on effect with every other aspect of my life. I’ve had a very rough few weeks bringing my morphine levels down from 75mcg to 62mcg – when I had my op back in November 2010 coming off tramadol was terrifying – reading Trainspotting gives occasional insight in to Heroin withdrawal and it’s not far off if I’m honest. Wasps crawling out from within is as close as I can get to the sensation you feel when your body craves tramadol. Last month I’ve been going through something similar coming off that level of morphine. I’ve also lost things, fallen, lost my balance a few times, broken crockery, chipped plates but somehow managed to keep up pretences on the mummy front, although I’ve not been as patient as normal – must try harder!. I’ve had no appetite either which has been a nuisance and have not slept – I will talk to A about it but his uncle is really ill and I don’t want to add to his problems. We’ll see. No I will chat to him – he needs to know and we’ve always talked – it’s so important to let each other know what’s going on. Glass of wine and heart to heart tonight. Wish me luck!