Friday, 11 March 2011

Sunday 7th March

Lovely weekend trying so hard NOT to think about my back – I just want to get on with normality now – still v dosed up on morphine and codeine. Boys had a party yesterday – we went up to the Butterfly House in Dinnington for a friend’s fifth birthday party. Beautiful baby there: I so was broody for five mins or so then moved on. We had always wanted four children, but two has proved to be quite enough!! Couldn’t now anyway.
We had looked in to adoption at one point – can you imagine? The adoption support worker very kindly snapped me out of that daft phase double quick time. That was before my op when I was thinking I’d never leave the house again – so maybe we’ll have another baby so I’ll have something to do – oh no I can’t my pelvis wouldn’t cope – I know let’s adopt! Apparently, I wasn’t healthy enough. I know that now, but at the time I was devastated.
My dear friends had the boys for us while Andy took me for a coffee– I don’t know what I’d do without my Andy and my friends sometimes!. Felt pretty rough today and I’ve had to use my chair  – I think it’s a mix of meds and feeling a little low after my fall, but I just can’t seem to get over this.
I had started considering teaching or at least working again, but the last few days have been more like survival just getting through the day.
It was lovely to have a bit of time with Andy, although we seem so opposite in our views about the house at the moment –I would stay and slowly patch the house back together while Andy wants to spend less on the mortgage and have spare cash now – I pay towards the mortgage, the car and the phone, while Andy has the rest to do every month. I don’t know how to help anymore. We  sit down and work out the budget we’ve set ourselves and  see how we can make any savings every so often but we are careful - Andy is super-organised and I'm not bad :). But I’m not sure how we can make any other savings apart from selling the house. Everyone seems to be making changes – our house sale would lower our monthly outgoings, so that is one leap closer to feeling less financial pressure. I’m in a funny position as I contribute less financially so feel less powerful now when trying to have my say.
God, my job and my income so defined me. Batman was right after all!

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