Thursday, 24 March 2011

Thursday 24th March.

Dreadful day. Tears from waking up this morning. I’ve felt so low regarding my health and I’m sad to say my worry about where this all leaves me and my Andy. Luckily Andy went to work before I ruined his day, but thanks to two of my dear friends my day was saved.
Michelle popped in after school drop offs and could see the state I was in – it was not pretty: pyjamas, no make up, wobbly lip, uncombed hair – you can imagine. She promptly sat with me, we drank tea and booked a lunch date. Our mutual friend, another Michelle, was lovely and kindly didn’t address the fact that I looked like a scarecrow, but got me laughing and we had a good hour or so.
An hour later, Lindsay arrived with pre-dentist nerves and brought me a beautiful cheery scarf to wear on days like these and we drank more tea. We discussed low moods and the importance of medication when needed – then it clicked. I’d taken myself off my fluoxetine gradually but over the last few weeks have become irritable and low. I waved her off to the dentist and booked an appointment to see my doctor – Dr Qureshi.
Lunch with Michelle at The Golden Ball in Whiston was divine – we even had pudding – and I completely removed myself from my life for a couple of hours. She had come to the rescue and put good food in front of me. We discussed our children, our homes, our in-laws, the highs and lows of our husbands – all the topics that unite us – and ate well.
In those few hours today, talking to friends and making plans, I was able to move forward.
Since lunch, I’ve filled in forms I’ve been avoiding, had a medication review with my doctor who has reorganised my meds, restarted my fluoxetine (my chronic pain is worse without it) and may increase my morphine depending on an oramorph trial I’m undertaking this week.
I’ve tidied the house, caught up with my dear Dad and managed to sit down and write for 30 mins before my back just starts to niggle, telling me to call it a day.

Some have worse lives, some have better lives, but this is my life and I need to be at the helm. Onwards and upwards is the only way.

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