Lockdown Life: Weeks 1-12

Lockdown has been an awakening of sorts for me. My life before lockdown was quite settled and initially I couldn't see my days being particularly altered in any way. I spend my weekdays at home. But instead of my usual routine at home of writing, reading and recharging, I found myself completely thrown. The world had stopped and so had I. I had no motivation or even interest in doing the things I had carved out for myself to create a slight routine. No blog, no novel, no journaling, nothing. I was all at sea.

I hurriedly ordered anti-bac, got an online food order done and a number of hand made masks for all the family from my dear friend at Minx Designs. I talked my parents through the joys of online food delivery as they are both in the 70s age bracket. And we hunkered down, as they say in Antigua.

With the cessation of  regular contact with my close network of family and friends, with the boys at home from school needing support and their fears allaying while balancing a gentle push to get home-schooIing done each day, I was terror-struck. I couldn't leave the house as I was shielding but I watched the news non stop at first. I was just full of big emotions that left no room for creativity or fun and even my usual optimism had evaporated. I felt rather sunk. I woke up between 8-9am each day with no need to get the kids up for school, I stayed up late watching films in to the early hours and then managed 3-4 sleep at most. My writing stopped completely and I watched an obscene amount of films and box sets, I ate sweets and crisps while the fruit rotted in my fruit bowl, I wore pyjamas practically full time (I don't need to mention the bra situation), I waited for 5pm so I could have a drink (wine or G&T) and the only real saving grace for me was the routine around the boys' needs – waking, feeding, watering, clothing and schooling. I even struggled to read books which, for anyone who knows me, is just not me!

After a good six weeks of this and an unsaintly amount of gin and red wine, I knew this could not go on. My liver just wouldn't take it. I attempted my bedtime routine again of Pukka Bedtime tea and reading at 10.30 which, although hard at first, eventually helped me to sleep through the night. I put my Himalayan salt lamp in my room as my bedtime lamp and the soft lighting really helped. I still drank one glass of something, maybe two, each day but not the 3-5 I had started filling my evenings with. On meds, this had really not been one of my better ideas. We started Zoom chats as friends were starting to feel the cabin fever setting in. Just once a week all together gave us all a good laugh and a sense of normality.

Slowly but surely as the weeks progressed I found a new natural routine each day:

Waking at 5-6 am before being greeted by my four cats (wanting breakfast - pure cupboard love)

Gentle stretches or short Yoga session courtesy of YouTube to get me moving

Updating my social media platforms

Drinking a cuppa and taking my meds

Back doors open and out in to the garden to check on my plants and evidence of my hedgehog friend

Putting the washing on/Cleaning a room

Cooking breakfast

Ordering food/clothes/plants/CDs(!) online

Home schooling with my youngest (at 14 he finds this rather arduous)

Coffee and online Italian lessons

Lunch

An easy afternoon making tea and folding laundry with music or film on and some writing of sorts

Tea

An evening G&T/red wine and good film or book in the garden

It sounds rather rigid but it’s been a gentle routine with no time limits, it ebbs and flows to work round my health (issues galore so resting and recharging has to happen whenever).  I was shielding for the first 90 days so my phone was my life line and I face-timed A LOT. I worked on my garden so at least we had a place to sit outside and get fresh air. Being in the garden was hugely beneficial to my mental health. I can tell if I've been out or not as my mood is much better just by sitting out for half an hour here and there. How people are coping without an outdoor space is beyond me. My heart goes out to them.

We got bird feeders fixed up which is attracting woodpigeons, collared doves, pigeons, blackbirds, blue tits and a robin. Heavenly. We even rescued a hedgehog and now have nightly visits from her when she samples the latest cat food delights. The cats watch her from a safe distance until she toddles off and they swoop in to polish it off. The garden really has become our sanctuary and even the plants are surviving so it's all good.

As lockdown has eased for me over the last two weeks, I’ve been able to invite friends in to the garden. Socially distanced of course, ensuring everyone is safe but also emotionally supported. We've all had our own experiences to handle and support each other through from the terrible loss of loved ones, the staggered return to work, illness, supporting our teenagers and making sure we get that online food order each week. 

My first adventure out was a trip around my local area with a dear friend - my legs shook all the way there (I was in my power chair so we just pushed on through) and I felt fine once I knew I was on my way home. I think I talked Lindsay's ear off throughout due to sheer panic.

I feel less frightened of venturing out now, although I only go to places devoid of people and wear my mask at all times. My second trip out was to a local beauty spot with friends so we could just be with nature. To see a different and landscape, to see the swans on the lake and my first dragonfly of the summer was just perfect. Even being caught in a spectacular storm and getting home wet through didn't dampen my spirits(!)

I am still terrified of being ill again (I’ve had coronavirus once with awful symptoms for six days but I didn’t need to get a doctor). However I am more rational now and just heed all advice while ignoring a lot of the government’s rush back to CrazyTown.

From Saturday, bars and restaurants are opening nationally even though our new daily cases are still over 300. In my opinion we are at risk of undoing all the good done in the last 100 days. Anyone shielding or those who have just been given the green light to stop shielding are barely out again before the R rate is increasing and lo' and behold! Leicester is in lockdown with many more cities to follow if we carry on like this. I'm starting to wonder if between them, Boris and Donald have plotted a mass cull of anyone costing too much money. Old, ill or poor people are hit hardest and the loss of life is obscene. Each day new cases and deaths are only to be found on websites - the daily briefing has stopped and I despair at our government's failure to keep the country safe.

I do wonder about our new normal and how it's going to look. Time will tell. But for people with chronic illness, our post-lockdown life won’t be hugely different from before. I just realise I’m calmer now about the threat of my family and friends being exposed to COVID 19 but with anti-bac at every door entrance for people coming and going and masks to wear should I brave the outside world and hand-washing a regular occurrence, we're not taking any chances here! COVID19 is alive and well, passing through the population and still infecting but I'm learning to live with it, not frighten the kids too much but keep them vigilant and support my lovely crowd in any way I can.

I am keeping to my gentle routine which also now includes learning Italian each day and attending a daily mental health podcast run by my dear friends Bill and Kate from Stepping Stone Theatre which really helps in many ways. I’m pleased to say that writing is flowing again due to requests for articles and monologues and FINALLY!! my joining of a writing group – one part of life I’ve coveted yet never really managed before apart from NaNoWriMo Sheffield each year. As this writing group is online, I can work it around my health and can write in comfort at home or just listen if I’m not having a fab day.

I'm aware a timetable for each day carries me along so I'm determined to cling on to this new positive routine developing. we don't know what the future holds but by behaving sensibly and by not taking risks with our health, I hope we will come through the other side unscathed.