Thursday 19th January

Came home after reading practice with my Year 2 group feeling really awkward. It’s too hard not being able to teach and sitting there being largely ineffective in a classroom brimming over with kids needing twenty things at once. I’m not sure if this is such a good idea anymore. Is me helping with reading practice at school merely like a staff nurse running the tea trolley on a busy ward?

Part of me wonders if I should try to rise above my low low low self esteem and do for others rather than doing for myself. Volunteering is primarily about improving the lives of others, not just your own – anything else should be a sweet bonus. Maybe I’m becoming a rather tricky customer – I certainly know I’m over analysing myself BIG TIME.

I need to get over this stage before I commit to anything else – so I’ve put further school volunteering on hold for now while I concentrate on building myself up physically and emotionally. Messy stuff, believe me.