Reflections and Resolutions

 Well, 2020 was an interesting one. As we were faced with life in a pandemic, we had to learn with danger, illness, death, isolation and so much change. At the same time, I remember the sense of novelty for so many of my friends and family when Lockdown 1 happened in March, when suddenly they were at home either working remotely or not working at all. I remember the sense of awe at the world around me losing routine, losing the will to stay healthy and the sense of being on the longest Summer break ever.

For me, the real change was less. As someone medically retired and living with chronic conditions, my situation didn’t change a great deal. I had to stay home so have spent alot of the year shielding and I write from home when I can, I read lots and I recharge quite a bit too. The remarkable bit for me was that all of a sudden I was an expert in something and could support my friends. I could encourage them to find a routine again, ensure they were creative each day, get outside once a day and be gentle with themselves. I had a wealth of experience of feeling like I SHOULD BE DOING SOMETHING!!! when actually what I needed to do was be home with little to do. I encouraged them to rest, read, do the things they could while being off. I suggested they be still, be gentle with themselves. A lot of baking and decorating went down at my friend's houses, that's for sure. Here? Not so much.

Remotely, I continued taking part in choir, though lost momentum for a little while. I need to work on that. We developed 'Girls G&T Night In' so we girls could FaceTime each other with drink in hand once a week to catch up and laugh. Lots. I found joy in the little things.

The real benefit was being home with my boys. Keeping their school routine going was not the easiest but we met downstairs for lunch each day before they returned to the remote learning they were both so enjoying. They became very adept in the kitchen making breakfast and dinners (noodles, fried egg sandwiches, omelettes or toast) for themselves. We started discussing what to have for tea as soon as we were awake. Every day. Our garden became a real sanctuary and we updated our garden furniture, created little areas for reading, hiding away and nature watching with bird feeders and hedgehog houses. We created an undercover space (just the covered drive) with chairs, blankets, plants, candles and my parents treated us to a chimnea in December for my birthday so i could still be outside in rain, hail or snow. 

So. Here we are in 2021. We (me and the girls) facetimed our way through New Years Eve and the lads gamed their way through theirs. We came together at intervals for food and of course First Footing which I did for the first time since I was a child as the lads were not up for it this year! I stood outside the door with my little collection of New Year symbols: Coal (May we always be warm), a coin (May we always have enough money) Candle (May we always have hope and light) and bread (May we never go hungry). At midnight, the sky filled with fireworks and the boys let me in bringing all this good luck for a hopeful year ahead.

-       I’m very good at breaking resolutions. I have a long list of the ones that got away. I could divulge that i've been resolving to ‘learn to drive’ and ‘get back in to my size 10 jeans’ for more years than I care to remember, but I wont dwell there.

Last year taught me to pace myself and find my joy in the little things.

I will spend time talking with and being with (lockdown permitting) my dear family and friends. I will make more time for them. I will keep checking in on even the ones who seem to be doing just fine. Remotely that is challenging, but we will manage it. 

I will continue to sing with Rock Choir each week and practise the songs more than perhaps I did last year. Singing really lifts me and takes me out of myself. I love to practise my Lower Alto part and learn the lyrics while I'm doing my chores. I must do more of that!

I will start editing The Siren Song as my first draft is very roughly complete. I want to complete the first edit by the summer but I’ve learned to go with the flow and not heap too much pressure on myself. So we’ll see.

I will read more books, especially non-fiction about my heroes. Gloria Steinem, Margaret Atwood and Albert Einstein are my latest eBay purchases ( I never pay more than a couple of quid on a book these days!) and I have started as I mean to go on with one fiction and one non-fiction on the go at any one time.

I will be a better mum to my two boys. They’re 14 and 16 now and I am trying to behave like we’re sharing a house and sharing responsibilities. I just need to keep that going while its working so well. I need to keep an eye on what they’re eating as remote learning encourages noodles for breakfast and pizza for lunch so I’m trying to gently nudge them in to better long term habits.

I will keep supporting my 16 year old further. He behaves like he’s on top of everything then sometimes I see he’s overwhelmed and getting in a pickle. We’re working on sleep routines and school work pressures as A levels require a lot more focus!

I will keep gently nudging my 14 year old who is great at helping round the house, playing the piano, drawing and gaming but remote learning doesn’t really suit him. Hopefully he'll be back in school in six weeks when Lockdown 3 is due to end. He misses his friends and school life. He’s working on his sleep routine too and said today was a win as he got up at 12pm today, whereas it was1pm yesterday. Baby steps.

My writing tasks and admin tasks are written in my diary each week and I work though them. This year I need to work on what I can realistically achieve each month, health crashes aside. I do take too much on! Must try harder to maintain my blog too!

But mainly, I am looking forward to just being. Being content and calm, being peaceful and kind. The rest, hopefully, will follow.